Me: "What's that for, ref?" Ref: "Ungentlemanly conduct." Me: "What did I do?" Ref: "You're shouting too loud." Me: "What?!" Ref: "Shouting too loud and scaring the other players" * Me: Laughter Ref: "You can laugh, but if you do it again you're in the book" Me: "Because I shouted too loud" Ref: "Yes" Me: "OK, so can you please tell me how I should shout?" Ref: "Don't shout! Why do you need to shout?" Me: "Well if I'm up in the air I want to call my team-mates off" Ref: "But there wasn't anyone near you" Me: "How the f##k do I know- I'm looking at the ball. What am I supposed "to do - use sonar?**" Ref: "I don't care... just don't do it again"
A ref barely alive. We could not rebuild him. There was later a fight in the game during which the linesman called us British players 'a disgrace'.
Key to terms:
* Other players:
Eleven of the dirtiest bleeders ever to pull on a pair of footy boots. It's debatable whether a knife-wielding lunatic would have scared them, never mind a balding mid-air scouser.
Spooky ability to see out of one's a###hole. Kenny Dalglish had this.