Crap football phraseology

[Tony Le Mesmer]

It wasn't a penalty because he wouldn't have kept the ball

"Well its hit his hand but it wasnt deliberate" Does that mean you can re take a panalty because you didnt put it over the bar deliberatly?

[PlasticRoyale]

Jew-ventus

[Franchise FC]

And my particular favourite - "Definitely a penalty as there was contact "

It's supposed to be a bloody contact sport !!!!

[Victor Meldrew]

"That ref gave more cards than he does at christmas"

He almost certainly didn't, unless he's a miserly pcunt. But there's too much abuse of referees so I'd give him the benefit of the doubt on this one.

"I'm glad this referee keeps his cards in his pocket"
What about the other games going on where refs are sending players off just for giving each other the gentlest of pushes?

[Victor Meldrew]

"This game is a real 6-pointer"
No it isn't,it's still either 3,1 or 0 points.

[soggy biscuit]

'The ref should have used common sense' and go against the rules set out by someone else therefore harming their own career?

[SLAMMED]

"This is a spicy affair" No it's not it's a fukking game.

Or "That was textbook"

[AndyRFC]

"that night in Barcelona"

[handbags_harris]

One of our very own Brian McDermott's favourites:

"I'm don't like complaining about referees, but..."

[T.R.O.L.I.]

It's a well known fact that anything before "but" is bullshit.

[SLAMMED]

"Skysports news understands" = generally bullshit.

[RobRoyal]

"Skysports news understands" = generally bullshit.

My least favourite phrase in football.

[Man Friday]

"Genuinely world class" when referring to Rooney. He may have been close a couple of years ago but he wouldn't make Planet Earth's 4th team now.

[prostak]

"THAT BOY'S GOT A STEEL SKULL!"

[Franchise FC]

"THAT BOY'S GOT A STEEL SKULL!"

Haven't heard that one - must've been referring to 'Arry Redknapp

[soggy biscuit]

'launched a scathing attack'

[The Surgeon of Crowthorne]

Player x "hangs in the air well" - has he got anti-gravity boots then? He'll stay in the air exactly the same amount of time I would if I jumped that high (which, given my weight and age, is unlikely).

Not a precise phrase, but the way commentators state that the ball picks up speed off a wet surface - again, another law of physics seemingly broken during a game of football.

[frimmers3]

without doubt,"massive".

[Once were Biscuitmen]

"Cruel deflections" Really?

"Another 'magical' European night at Anfield" <We've turned the microphones up again>

"You'd of loved a chance like that Al" No,it was further than five meters out, he wouldn't

"The magic of the FA cup" Championship team defending for 90 minutes against the Stoke reserves is magical?

[Mr Angry]

"They are still playing, even though the 3 extra minutes have been and gone" - Its a MINIMUM of 3 minutes!

"That was a tight offside call" Nope, its either offside, or not.

"Arsenal are trying to score the perfect goal" What is the definition of a "perfect" (or indeed "imperfect") goal??

"That was a back pass, so the keeper can't pick it up" Thanks for telling me that; I wouldn't have known otherwise.

"That was a late tackle". "Nah, it was just a mistimed tackle" Aaarrrggh!!! Apart from the semantic difference between the 2, its not a tackle anyway - its a FOUL!

"The crowd here at XXX (usually Newcastle) deserve success" Er....why??

"Player X is nearly unique in being able to do that" Something is either unique, or it isn't.